What Was The Last Movie You Watched?

Can't remember it's name, or even what it was, but I seen it. IT was very mediocre.

Lenore wrote:

Can't remember it's name, or even what it was, but I seen it. IT was very mediocre.

What a great review! LOL.

Despicable Me

Coming back form a hiatus where I said, "fuck it, I don't want to watch anymore movies!", I have been exposed to Despicable Me and like the young woman-child I am I found it to be a rather uplifting experience far removed from my usual oddball routine of video masochism. Emptying my pillows of razor blades and restuffing them with solidified cuteness I will sleep awkwardly tonight as I reflect upon how my daddy never kissed me goodnight.

It's a jolly movie, no doubt about it. I found myself relating to Gru on a regular basis what with his slightly macabre personality and mischievousness scheming to steal the moon for whatever reason. Watching this mad scientist soften up because of three orphaned(?) little girls is slightly odd and a bit unsatisfactory. I was hoping he'd corrupt them through and through like a cancer diagnosis but as much as I would've enjoyed that, the three do not turn into sidekicks akin to Hit-girl from Kick Ass. Perhaps I'm expecting a tiger instead of a koala, but hey, a little variety never hurt anybody who wasn't frolicking hand in hand with Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds during a police raid.

Speaking of drugs, I found the movie's setting and art style to be a good bit irritating but I eventually forgot about that when I was puzzled by how what appears to be an infant can already speak clear as day. That's all I have to say.

Spent the past week and a some change at the Toronto After Film Festival.  O_O I saw The We Are What We Are, The Battery, Septic Man, Motivational Growth, The Last Days on Mars, The Machine, Willow Creek, Banshee Chapter, Odd Thomas, Cheap Thrills, and Big Bad Wolves.

@__@ It was my first festival, and my brain is still reeling.

Going on a Guillermo del Toro binge.  Saw PACIFIC RIM, Hellboy, Blade II, and, the one I hadn't seen yet, CRONOS. Really neat, surreal take on vampirism. Good solid acting from the leads, including a young-ish Ron Perlman. Sweet. 

"Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa".
It wasn't as gross & over-the-top as the other "Jackass" movies.

Silent Hill: revelations

I've been holding my hand to my mouth for 20 minutes now in shock. I feel like I bore witness a horrible crime and I'm not sure rather or not to report it to the police. the sight of Michael J. Bassett violating the first few games like this is just sickening and... fuck... Just- WHAT THE FUCK DUDE!? PYRAMID HEAD SAVES THE DAY!?!? WHAT?!?!?

*screams in agony*

Dogtooth

Trying to break free from my writer's block, I think it's best for me to review something that fell down the tree of awkwardness and hit every branch on the way down to its soft landing in delicious velvet cake. Fitting enough for a beginning that makes the film seem more like a softcore porno instead of a disturbing Drama film. It's hard to tell if the wincest starts right away or later on. I dunno, movie. It's fun seeing the various methods these parents come up with to torture their children whom have apparently taken form of young adult pets that aren't allowed to leave the playground and are trained to bark on all fours at imaginary cats. One might want to watch this movie as if they were taking a stroll through a zoo because of its brazen oddness and stupid camera angles that show everything that doesn't matter to what's actually happening. I CAN'T SEE THE ZEBRA MUMMY, WAAHHH! HOWEVER, I am proud to admit that these angles occur on the seldom occasion, kind of like a UFO sighting above a trailer park full of thumbless rednecks. The film also has a good sense of timing and avoids being fixed on a character to long like in Michael (2011) where apparently the cameraman and editor fall asleep several times on the job.

I feel for the girl who exchanges sensual lickings for glowy headbands, as I too would much prefer bashing my own teeth out and escaping from the hellish memories of Maladolescenza and it's daft henchman Silent Hill Revelations. Sadly, I probably wont. The damage has been done.

AFTER EARTH - melodramatic, CG-heavy bildungsroman starring Will Smith and one of his annoying offspring.  Apparently Smith himself came up with the original story, but it feels more like M. Night Shyamalan's answer to DUNE.  Pretty much a mess, although I was expecting worse.  Had a really pretty soundtrack.  4/10


THE CON ARTISTS, er, CONJURING - while I'm not overly keen on depicting the Warrens as heroes, this was a very well-done, atmospheric haunted house story.  Great performances especially from Vera Fermiga and Lili Taylor 8/10

Spirit of the Beehive- Slow-moving, fondly directed movie about growing up in Francoist Spain. Good imagery inspired by Whale's FRANKENSTEIN, bit too boring. 3.6/5
Friday the 13th 3D: This movie was so much fun! Great effects, fun characters, and really great suspense in the last act. Better than the first 2 by miles. 4.4/5
Black Moon Rising: John Carpenter-penned action thriller about Tommy Lee Jones trying to break into a skyscraper to steal a sleek super-car. Not award-worthy by any means, but a lot of fun to watch. Archetypes face off in this great atypical 80s flick. Watch it on XFinity on demand for free! 4.2/5
Lost in Translation: This movie. . .is so beautiful, and not just because of the love story between Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson. The camerawork is flawless and the imagery and different situations stick with you long after the credits float by. This is the type of artsy flick I want to see. Not any Terrence Malick or Breathless bull$#!t. This movie is brilliant, watch it. 5/5

BLACKFISH - This doc presents a scathing view of SeaWorld, with the main focus as their purchasing a large killer whale that had a history of violent behavior and continuing to make him perform, with, allegedly, no safety measures taken on behalf of the trainers. There is some seriously hard-to-watch footage here but it's a tremendous piece of work. 9/10

ChaosTheory wrote:

BLACKFISH - This doc presents a scathing view of SeaWorld, with the main focus as their purchasing a large killer whale that had a history of violent behavior and continuing to make him perform, with, allegedly, no safety measures taken on behalf of the trainers.  There is some seriously hard-to-watch footage here but it's a tremendous piece of work. 9/10

I mentioned this documentary before on this thread a few months back after I finished seeing it in theaters in NYC.

"Scott Pilgrim VS the World" on the big screen at a midnight screening tonight. It was epic..! I always loved the movie, but missed it in the theater the first time because I was deployed overseas.  

REDEMPTION (2013) - Sexy Statham as a war veteran hiding from a court martial-turned street dweller-turned Asian mafia thug (yeah), who is troubled with occasional fits of conscience. He befriends a young nun (Agata Buzek) who tries to exert positive influence on him, but she has considerable baggage of her own. Despite the over-the-top premise this is a serious story, a pretty non-glam look at a man's soul being jostled between good and evil. 7/10

"Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" (my ultimate holiday guilty pleasure).

Top Secret (1984)

"I'm not the first guy who fell in love with a woman that he met at a restaurant who turned out to be the daughter of a kidnapped scientist, only to lose her to her childhood lover who she last saw on a deserted island, who then turned out fifteen years later to be the leader of the French underground."

Death to Smoochy (2002) - 7/10, I think it is a pretty good movie. I mean it does have some moments that feel forced and Robin Williams is a major miscasting, but Edward Norton does add life to his persona as the man in the rhino suit. Seriously, I fucking love Fight Club, but Norton's performance in this is better. But that's because it is not too difficult to play an "every man"

But aside from Norton, the movie is creative and engaging.

The Iceman

"Saving 10,000"
A very powerful & emotional short independent documentary film about the darker side of Japan.
I've first heard about it while watching the news on NHK.

i bought the X-Men films on blu-ray yesterday. well the Original Trilogy anyways, and i watched the 1st film for the first time in at least 5 or 6 years and it's still a great film. hell i even forgot some stuff that happend in it cause it's been so long. and that doesn't bother me cause it keeps me enjoying it again well kinda like i had never seen it when that happens to me when i don't watch a film for so long. the same thing happens to me when i go a long time without watching either a tv series or a movie that's a mystery for the longest time i forget who the killer is, the same thing goes for a horror movie too.

anyways, i also watched "Wolverine' last night as well we rented it actually at a store, there is Drug Mart that by us that still does that. so at least i can say it feels like the old days, we rent films there once in a while. great film too. i loved the extra scene with Patrick Stewart and Ian M. as Magento. my guess a prolog to the next x-men film.

Oliver Stone's ultimate masterpiece.

American Psycho was very entertaining.

Jack the Giant Slayer had to many overused tropes in it to be interesting. It was stupidly written too.

I watched this documentary on Netflix about the lives of porn stars after they retire.

THE ICEMAN - spooky wise-guy movie based on the real life of contract killer Richard Kuklinski (played with unsettling intensity by Michael Shannon) 8.5/10

BACHELORETTE - Becky, Regan, Jenna and Katie are best friends although they have nothing in common and don't really seem to like each other. When Becky gets engaged the other three get very resentful and act like bitches at the bachelorette party because they're prettier than she is but don't have guys -and all of their lives are kind of train wrecks, but the solution for each one turns out to be hooking up with the right guy at the wedding. This was mean-spirited, unfunny, and just miserable all around. 0/10

THE EAST - Sarah is a corporate security agent sent to infiltrate The East, an environmentalist anarchist group. She begins to sympathize with their cause (and lets the group leader seduce her) but as their actions grow more violent she finds herself questioning the next move. Kind of drags in spots and it's hard to pick someone to side with, but it's an interesting premise and very well-cast. 7/10

Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead

Just a shlocky entertaining movie. Only reasons to dislike is if you are just not a fan of schlock. Seriously, it is a comedy, and probably a very lighthearted one. No reason to say it's bad. It is an over-the-top Troma release (my 2nd Troma, with my first being The Toxic Avenger), and the best one I've seen. Not much else to say, other then you should see it.

8.5/10