Theatre going stories.

I was in a movie theater bathroom once (horror-story in its own right) and there was a popcorn bag sitting on the top of one of the urinals. A man walked in, stopped, stared at the popcorn bag for a few seconds, then walked over to the urinal and dropped the popcorn bag into it.

He began to piss on the popcorn bag. At this point I am now washing my hands, twisting around the situation in my head when this guy finishes his business, puts the popcorn bag back on top of the urinal, and begins washing his hands. I'm just grinning because I'm thinking "There is no fucking way this dude just pissed on this thing for no reason." When lo and behold, this dude just walks in, says "Ah, so that's where I left it.", grabs the bag, and walks out.

The guy looks at me and with a deadpan voice/face says "Not a word of this, or I'll have your head."

Mongoose wrote:

I was in a movie theater bathroom once (horror-story in its own right) and there was a popcorn bag sitting on the top of one of the urinals. A man walked in, stopped, stared at the popcorn bag for a few seconds, then walked over to the urinal and dropped the popcorn bag into it.

He began to piss on the popcorn bag. At this point I am now washing my hands, twisting around the situation in my head when this guy finishes his business, puts the popcorn bag back on top of the urinal, and begins washing his hands. I'm just grinning because I'm thinking "There is no fucking way this dude just pissed on this thing for no reason." When lo and behold, this dude just walks in, says "Ah, so that's where I left it.", grabs the bag, and walks out.

The guy looks at me and with a deadpan voice/face says "Not a word of this, or I'll have your head."

That's some hardcore anti-social behavior right there.

The Dude wrote:

That's some hardcore anti-social behavior right there.

I was royally confused the rest of the day, but me and the mates had a hell of a laugh.

When I went to see Scott Pilgrim, They showed a preview for Devil. As soon as M. Night Shyamalan's name appeared on the screen I shouted "It's gonna Suuuuuuuuuck!" and the whole theater busted out laughing lmfao

Mongoose wrote:

The Dude wrote:

That's some hardcore anti-social behavior right there.

I was royally confused the rest of the day, but me and the mates had a hell of a laugh.

I wonder about the guy who got the bag; did he figure it out immediately, or did he just think it was an extra-salty butter blend?

The Dude wrote:

Mongoose wrote:

The Dude wrote:

That's some hardcore anti-social behavior right there.

I was royally confused the rest of the day, but me and the mates had a hell of a laugh.

I wonder about the guy who got the bag; did he figure it out immediately, or did he just think it was an extra-salty butter blend?

I was wondering that for the first few seconds, but then I kept thinking about what was going through the dissenter's head, yeah?

*Walks in bathroom; sees popcorn bag*


"...........I'ma piss on that popcorn bag ."

TheCinemaCynic wrote:

When I went to see Scott Pilgrim, They showed a preview for Devil. As soon as M. Night Shyamalan's name appeared on the screen I shouted "It's gonna Suuuuuuuuuck!" and the whole theater busted out laughing lmfao

Same trailer came up when i saw scot pilgrim. i didnt yell this is gonna suck but everyone started laguhing at the trailer and a bunch of people laughed when m.nightys name popped up.

I posted this in the other topic, but this is far more appropriate one to post it in.

So i head to our local multiplex (in which i have a problem at least 75% of the time) and go to see cop out. During the previews, a young child's crying. The kid being at an R rated movie doesn't just bother me, it annoys me. Then i find out it's an entire family of children, the majority of which are being very very well behaved, in spite of irresponsible shitstains for parents. Movie starts, kid's still crying. I endure it for about five minutes, then shots start ringing out in the movie, this prompts the youngest (who couldn't be older than 2) to bawl his brains out. He's scared shitless. He has no idea what these loud noises are and he's frightened. What's the father do? Sit the kid next to me, and walk to the other side of the theater where his family is seated. Suddenly, i've got a barely-cognicient scared and alone toddler next to me screaming at the top of his lungs being taken away from his family. As far as this kid can tell, this is it. He cried in the theater, and now he has no more family. They have cast him away. My reaction to this was to pick up the kid and take him back to his parents and sit him next to them and inform them that i am not his father, and that they should, oh i dunno, act like fucking parents? He says "whatever, white boy, i'm watching my movie." Now, i'm not white. I'm half white/half asian. So i say "fuck it" and sit down. Then the kid cries more because he watches a russian gangster get a hole in his head and is absolutely horrified by what he saw. Screaming doubles. Other three kids are ignoring this. The parents are ignoring this. So i decide to just stand in front of him until he acknowledges that he is ignoring this screaming kid. This prompts him to say "yo i can't see." I respond with "Yeah, i know." He then stands up and starts screaming "You don't know me! I'll kick your fucking ass, whiteboy." I say "I'm not white." Then he starts screaming "Fine then you're a fat n------!"

I am now puzzled. I've been called many things in my life, and at the time i was a pretty svelt (for me at least) 200 lbs. I'm also as pale as casper. While puzzled the guy attempts to tell me that i should just leave him alone because he's trying to show his family a good time. I tell him that one of them clearly isn't having a good time and is disturbing the rest of the audience. His response to this? "Fuck you, faggot, i bet you've never been laid in your life." While i like to pretend this is the case, it isn't. I'm not proud of what i said next because it was insult to the kid who was scared shitless. His father is clearly a retard, and must be dealt with as such.

My reply was "Maybe if you didn't stick your limp pre-ejaculating dick in the 'ready to drop' cum sponge over there, you wouldn't have to worry about your little abortions depressing the fuck out of you. Take care of your fucking kid, take him out of the theater, and stop being an asshole." This prompted him to punch me. As i felt his pillow-like fist hit me i realized something. This man has never thrown a punch in his life. His limpwristed excuse for a punch hits me in the shoulder. As i stood puzzled, he flurries again, and miraculously hits me in the jaw. I start to laugh because of how piss poor of a boxer he is. This prompts more frustrated punches on his part. My roommate at this point (who is about 6'5 and around 300 lbs mind you) to jump in. The guy swings at him and misses entirely. I'm laughing while the eldest son is grabbing at his fathers leg, hugging it and crying "Please dad, not again! THIS HAPPENS EVERY TIME YOU TAKE US TO THE MOVIES!" This is the kid i feel sorry for. His father is so much of an ass that he can't even take some friendly advice to take his frightened child out of the theater for ten seconds and on top of that is so much of a self absorbed FUCK that he couldn't take his kids to see a children's movie. I say "listen to your kid, moron." He swings again, knocking his kid over in the process. I take the punch and laugh again saying "were you attempting to hurt me?" He's fuming now, kicks his kid over and stomps out of the theater screaming "LETS TAKE THIS OUTSIDE, N------!"

All three kids are now crying. Pregnant wife is begging me not to beat her husband up in spanish. My roommate is gone (i later learned he went out because he had to puke he was laughing so hard). I'm just standing there with a theater looking at me in sheer horror. I walk out to go see a manager or something so i can get another ticket because at this point i've missed about 30 minutes of the movie. I see him being cuffed. As i'm standing there dumbfounded the kids and the mom have run out to the lobby begging the cops not to arrest them in spanish. Cop has no idea what to make of this. She points at me and starts screaming "HE HIT HE HIT!" I've not thrown a single punch at this guy. The cops pull me aside and start questioning me. The guy's now creating this story out of thin air about how i hit his son and mom's nodding her head. I'm telling the cops absolutely none of it's true, and i point out that i have a fist mark from pillow hands on both my shoulder and my face. Cop sees it, and tells the other one. He's now being dragged out of the theater in cuffs. The mother and kids are left behind.

I head to the ticket booth, ask for a later show and get my later show along with a coupon for a free movie and anything i want from the concession stand for free. I end up getting ice cream for his kids. Clearly their dad's the world's biggest moron.

Deadpool wrote:

I head to the ticket booth, ask for a later show and get my later show along with a coupon for a free movie and anything i want from the concession stand for free. I end up getting ice cream for his kids. Clearly their dad's the world's biggest moron.

You're really great, you know that? I feel bad for those poor kids; I hope they have grandparents or something that take care of them and aren't total wastes of genes.

Mondo a Go-Go wrote:

Deadpool wrote:

I head to the ticket booth, ask for a later show and get my later show along with a coupon for a free movie and anything i want from the concession stand for free. I end up getting ice cream for his kids. Clearly their dad's the world's biggest moron.

You're really great, you know that? I feel bad for those poor kids; I hope they have grandparents or something that take care of them and aren't total wastes of genes.

I try. The theater to me is a sacred place. Always has been. I've always picked up my popcorn and soda, never left a thing behind, and have always remained silent unless it's something where audience participation is a part of the show. I don't see why people start shit in theaters. It's fucking baffling. Is it to impress someone? Is it because they're uncomfortable with being a normal fucking person?

This happened in tron: legacy. My ex-roommate and i (same guy btw) and another friend went to go see it and a group of 4 people came in RIGHT behind us. I hate when people talk during previews too btw. This fuck was yammering on his cell phone, so i started an ECW style clapping thing where i started chanting "shut the - fuck up - *clap clap clap clap*" this got him pissed because an entire theater was telling him to shut up. His solution to this was to not shut up, but to be a talking jackass to make us seem like we were jerks to him. Every few seconds "why the fuck is there so much talking, yo." "why the fuck he not fucking her" "shit look at her ass." Eventually, the guy's friends started begging him to shut the fuck up. When he didn't, they moved from him. They left him alone for the rest of the night. Undeterred, he started continuing to make these comments thruout the entire film. Lucky me, i had my iphone 4. Iphone 4 has a flash, and you can easily find a free strobe light program for the thing. I just happened to be in the last few rows of the theater, so i just lifted my phone and every time he'd talk i'd just let the strobe light eyefuck him. It usually shut him up mid sentence for about ten minutes, then he'd attempt to comment on something again, and i'd just hit the strobe again. Eventually he proclaims FUCK THIS BULLSHIT and just stomps out of the theater.

Mongoose wrote:

The Dude wrote:

Mongoose wrote:

The Dude wrote:

That's some hardcore anti-social behavior right there.

I was royally confused the rest of the day, but me and the mates had a hell of a laugh.

I wonder about the guy who got the bag; did he figure it out immediately, or did he just think it was an extra-salty butter blend?

I was wondering that for the first few seconds, but then I kept thinking about what was going through the dissenter's head, yeah?

*Walks in bathroom; sees popcorn bag*


"...........I'ma piss on that popcorn bag ."

The man is likely a human wasp; he serves no purpose other than to fuck shit up wherever he goes.

This one comes with a bit of a backstory. I'll try shorten it...

There was this girl I liked in high school. Over the phone one night, I asked if she would be interested in seeing a movie later in the week. She said yes, obviously. She didn't know how I felt about her at the time.

A few days later, for reasons I can't remember, I finally decided to tell her. Basically, the result was that she wasn't interested in me that way. I was crushed (but held it in while she was around). Thankfully though, the movie plans didn't change because of this.

Movie night arrives. We meet at the cinema. For some reason, she thought I was arranging a movie night with a group of friends and us, when it was actually just going to be the two of us. Awkward moment #1.

The movie we saw was "What Becomes of the Broken Hearted", by the way. A New Zealand film, in case you're wondering.

Anyway, as the previews started, it appeared that the cinema we were in would only have a few people in it the entire time. Less than 10, if that. Awkward moment (sort of) #2.

And to make things even more weird for us, given the fact I was hoping to date her and she didn't feel the same way, we were soon treated to the uncensored version of the "Eyes Wide Shut" trailer, featuring a topless Nicole Kidman at her window. Mega-awkward moment #3.

So yes, not exactly the best start to the evening. The film was really good though, so that took our minds off the awkwardness.

Deadpool wrote:

I head to the ticket booth, ask for a later show and get my later show along with a coupon for a free movie and anything i want from the concession stand for free. I end up getting ice cream for his kids. Clearly their dad's the world's biggest moron.

Props man. Mad, mad props

The Dude wrote:

The man is likely a human wasp; he serves no purpose other than to fuck shit up wherever he goes.

Spoiler:

Mongoose wrote:

Spoiler:

So you know where I'm coming from.